When you go to a club to have fun, you don’t expect the worst. When you go to a club to have fun, you don’t think about death. At least at the onset. I went to the club with friends this past week and things started out as they should, amazing. Rather quickly, LSD came up and as much of a psychonaut as I am, I was quick to jump on board. I had only done L in tab form before so when the guy was putting drops of liquid on mine and my girlfriend’s hands, I was already apprehensive. When said drops touched my lips and had a bitter taste, I knew right away that what we had taken was not what we thought. If an altered state of mind was what was to be experienced, I knew that it would be unfamiliar to me because God knew what had been metabolized into our bodies at that point.
Normally, LSD took hours to kick in. What we took had a mere twenty minutes to kick in before my girlfriend was puking and I was standing outside of the bathroom wondering who would look after her as the room began to shift into geometric absurdity. All of a sudden dudes I would never normally talk to sensed that I too was on the same ride they were and shook my hand or gave me fist pounds, all the while my girlfriend was trying to get the puking out of the way so we could go out on the dancefloor and enjoy the rest of the night. A half hour was all it took before we realized that the predicament we had found ourselves in was not going to allow us to have a normal night of dancing. At all. We agreed to distance ourselves from the crowd by going outside and sat on a street corner to assess what was going on. The world was alive at that point and nothing was stationary to say the least. When I closed my eyes, spirits reached into my mind and told me that big things were afoot. I normally would be ecstatic about such a turn of events. I love those quizzical entities. But this was a little too much too quick. I told the spirits that I longed for their presence, but I needed to be in a different place to commune. My girlfriend and I agreed that we had taken a step into unknown territory and that we had goofed big time. We stood up and ventured back into the den of lions to retrieve our friends and go home where things could be sorted out.
When we got into the car, I couldn’t identify it as a car anymore and we traveled home with my ass floating like a god. This would normally be taken as a good thing, but knowing we had taken an unfamiliar substance caused me to perpetually worry about what would become of us. We arrived at the home of our benefactor who happened to be a paramedic and all was well in terms of where we could be despite what we had done. Unfortunately, I could not let go of what the reality of our situation was. We had taken a substance even nowadays only God could tell you what it was. I hated myself for allowing such an uninformed decision to be made and not only myself, but the girl I love more than anything else to be affected by it and it simply made me feel like dirt. Like a pile of forsaken shit.
The only thing left to do at that point in my mind was to fight. Fight to stay alive. Fight to stay conscious. Blood and fluid is shooting out of every orifice imaginable and all is but fog and geometry, but I cannot let go of what I care about. I love living and I love my girlfriend. Zelda’s Lullaby comes up and I don’t care if I had accidentally taken arsenic. I was not dying that night. I couldn’t figure out whether I needed to pee or not, but I knew that if I succumbed to sleep and “gave up the ghost” so to speak, that I would surely meet the fate prescribed to me. Not happening.
My girlfriend was quick to dismiss it all as a bad trip and in hindsight I wish I could have had the same mentality. I wish I could have dismissed it all as fantasy, as something I would survive through. Unfortunately, it was all too real. I was looking my girlfriend in the eyes as I contemplated my last words and tried to fight my way through certain doom as best as my feeble body could. while blood shot out everywhere and as my body rattled under the influence of forsaken chemicals I couldn’t name. In hindsight I am glad I recognized it as such because if I had let it all go, I may be dead now.
Life is so worthwhile. Life is amazing. Question it once or twice. You’ll understand then.